News Ticker

No Names, An Introduction…

One of the best things about growing up in the neighborhood is the stories. Outside of the actual experiences, there is nothing better than the weird, wonderful, funny, sick, and “there’s no fuckin’ way that actually happened, but it did” stories that people from the neighborhood will tell when we’re safely ensconced among our own.

Telling neighborhood stories outside of the neighborhood is also pretty funny, mostly because people’s eyes bug out and an entire crowd will screech to a halt with their jaws hanging on the ground. So, a lot of us don’t so much tell neighborhood stories outside of Cicero. We tell the watered down versions, or the tamer variety that fits in better with normal people, or people pretending to be normal.

But we kind of love the stories. We love the goofy bar stories that could never happen anywhere else. We love the chase stories, the fight stories, the stories about stealing yard furniture and setting it up on your buddy’s lawn in the middle of the night. We love the stories about the kid who got bored hanging on the corner so he went and called the cops on himself so they could all get chased. We love the stories that make us laugh until we can’t breathe.

We also realize that most of these stories might not be the stories we want our kids, wives, husbands, moms, or the police to hear about us… depending on the statute of limitations.

Our vision for this column is a great neighborhood bar discussion. A place where you can pour your favorite drink, log in, and read a great story starring people you may actually know. The only way we could think to do this and not embarrass anyone is to make actual names a no-no.

We’d love your submissions. Tell us the best neighborhood stories you have, but make sure you don’t use any real names or nicknames that are telling to an actual person, unless that person is you (you can out yourself all you want).

You know you have a million of them. Which one do you pull out at every high school reunion? Which ones make you laugh until you cry? Send us those. We want to laugh with you.

For our submission guidelines and information please go to the submissions page.

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